Sex and relationships

My girlfriend/boyfriend wants me to have sex and I think I want to. Should I?

If you're unsure about having sex, it might be worth talking to a counsellor about your feelings. Remember that there are different ways of giving each other pleasure, apart from full sex. It's important not to feel pressurised into doing anything that you're not ready for. If you are thinking of having sex, then it's also important to get advice about contraception to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.

I'm 15 years old and all my friends are having sex but I don't feel ready to - am I normal?

Yes! Around 30% of young men and women have had sex before the age of 16, so that means 70% - the majority - haven't. Peer pressure on young people to have sex can be intense, but what's right for one person isn't necessarily right for someone else. And the younger the age at which people first have sex, the more likely they are to say they regret it later.

I'm not ready to sleep with my boyfriend but he says if I loved him I would. What should I do?

It's important not to be pushed into doing something that you're not ready for. It must be your choice to have sex and you have every right to wait until you feel that the time is right. Your boyfriend is using emotional blackmail to get you to do something you don't want. Be honest with him and tell him how you feel. Explain that it doesn't mean that you don't love him, simply that you are not ready for sex. Love is caring about another person. If he loves you, he will respect your decision.

I think that I masturbate too much even though I'm in a relationship. What's normal?

Masturbation is natural and harmless for men and for women. It is a way of exploring your own body and can help you to find out what you like and don't like sexually. It is fine to masturbate as often or little as you like.

My girlfriend's refusing to have sex with me without a condom but I don't like using condoms. What should I do?

If you want to have penetrative sex, where the penis enters the vagina, anus or mouth, it is important to practise safer sex by using a condom to reduce the risk of getting sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, as well as reducing the risk of pregnancy.

You and your girlfriend may also want to explore other ways of giving each other pleasure involving non-penetrative forms of safer sex where there is no contact between both your bodily fluids (blood, semen, vaginal fluids) such as mutual masturbation.

I had sex with my boyfriend for the first time and I bled. Is this normal?

First time sex can hurt and some women do bleed a little bit if the hymen (a small piece of thin skin which covers some of the opening of the vagina) is still intact, as it will break the first time you have sexual intercourse. This doesn't happen in all women as the hymen may already have broken before sex, e.g. through using tampons.

I've had sex with my boyfriend a few times and it hurts. Do you think something's wrong?

Pain during sex can happen for different reasons. It could be because you are tense, or not aroused enough. Taking things slowly and using extra lubrication, like KY jelly, can help, but if you are tense and worried about sex, you may want to go along to a local service to see a family planning nurse and/or a counsellor. Pain during sex can also be a symptom of a sexually transmitted infection. If you think that you may have a sexually transmitted infection, you should go to a Genito-Urinary Medicine (GUM) clinic for testing and treatment.

I had sex with my girlfriend and climaxed too early. Is there something wrong?

Premature ejaculation is the most common sexual problem affecting men. It happens to most men at some time and there is nothing to worry about. If you're really worried, you can get advice on techniques that can help from your GP or local family planning clinic, or a specialist organisation.

I didn't get an erection during sex. Is there something wrong?

This is a common problem amongst men and can have physical or psychological causes. For example, anxiety can affect erections, as can drinking alcohol before sex. If you're really worried, you can get help and treatment from your GP or local family planning clinic, or a specialist organisation.