Boys and young men

I’m 15 years old and ashamed of my small penis. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to have sex because I’ll be laughed at. Will it grow?

Many boys and young men worry about the size of their penis and other aspects of their bodies. Everyone’s body is different and it is always difficult to compare your own body with other men, as you never see yourself as others see you.

Puberty and body changes can continue up to around the age of 18. Adult penis size varies but is generally around 6cm to 10cm when soft and 12cm to 19cm when erect.

There is nothing that you can do to make your penis bigger but remember that it’s not the size of a man’s penis that makes him a good lover. It may help you to consider that your sexual partner probably has their own insecurities about their body – most people do.

I’m really worried about having sex for the first time in case I lose my erection especially when I put the condom on – what can I do?

First time sex can be difficult for both men and women and it is natural to feel nervous. And sex is different with each new partner. But your partner is probably just as scared as you are.
Using condoms confidently takes a bit of practice. At first, putting on a condom may feel as though it interrupts sex but with practice, using a condom should not prevent sex being enjoyable. You could try asking your partner to put the condom on your penis for you, to help keep you aroused.

Having problems getting and maintaining an erection is a common problem amongst men, particularly when stressed or anxious. Tiredness can also affect erections, as can drinking alcohol before sex.

Erection problems can also be caused by physical or psychological causes. If you are worried and want to talk to someone about this, you can see a counsellor and/or doctor at your local Brook Centre for further advice.

I am 14 and I want to get some condoms - where can I go and what ones are best?

You can get free condoms from your local Brook Centre. Or you can go to another young people’s service or family planning clinic.

You can also buy condoms at chemists, supermarkets and from vending machines. There is no law that says that you can’t buy condoms if you are under 16.

Make sure it has a quality mark - a BSI or CE Kitemark - and check the expiry date. Not all novelty condoms provide protection so always check.

I can’t find a condom to fit, can you help?

Penis size can vary but condoms are available in different shapes and sizes to suit all. If you are having problems using a particular brand, it’s a good idea to try another until you find one that you like.

It can take a bit of time and practise to get used to using condoms and they can slip off if they are put on wrongly. Brook Centres and other clinics can demonstrate correct condom use on a model.

I climaxed too early, is there something wrong?

Premature ejaculation (coming too soon) is the most common sexual problem to effect men, and will almost certainly effect most men at some point in their lives, particularly young men.

It can have physical or psychological causes, with stress and anxiety being common factors. In many cases, self-help techniques can help to learn self-control.

If you are worried and want to talk to someone about this, you can see a counsellor and/or doctor at your local Brook Centre for further advice or contact a specialist organisation.

I’ve got a problem because I keep getting erections all the time. Can you advise me?

During an erection, the penis fills with blood, which makes it get bigger and harder. Erections happen in males of all ages, including children and young men but during puberty, the changes in hormone levels mean that erections often become frequent.

Erections normally happen when a man is sexually excited but can happen at any time, often at the most embarrassing moments. When this happens, some men try to think about something boring or routine to control the urge. Your mates will be equally embarrassed about their own situation.

I think that I masturbate too much even though I’m in a relationship. What’s normal?

Most boys and men masturbate. Masturbation is completely natural and harmless for men and for women, no matter how often you do it. It is a way of exploring your own body and can help you to find out what you like and don’t like sexually. It is fine to masturbate as often or little as you like.

Is withdrawing before ejaculation a safe way to stop my girlfriend from getting pregnant?

Definitely not! It is important to remember that the penis leaks a few drops of semen (liquid containing sperm) as soon as it is hard, so there is a risk of pregnancy if the penis enters the vagina, even if you don't ejaculate. There is a risk of pregnancy if sperm comes into contact with the vagina in any way including from sperm on fingers.

If you don’t want to get your girlfriend pregnant, use a condom. If used properly they are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy, and also protect against sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, the virus that leads to AIDS. Your girlfriend may want to use an additional method of contraception too. You and your girlfriend can get free confidential contraceptive advice and supplies from your local Brook Centre.

I’ve heard that a girl can’t get pregnant if you have sex during her period – is that right?

It is NEVER safe to have unprotected sex if you wish to avoid pregnancy, even during a period. The menstrual cycle is complicated and it is impossible to predict when a woman will ovulate (release an egg). Stress, exercise, change of diet, and ill health are just some of the thing's that can effect a woman's menstrual cycle. Also, sperm can live in the body for to 7 days, which further complicates things.

There are lots of myths about the risks of pregnancy such as: you can't get pregnant the first time; standing up; if you do it during your period; if he's 'careful'; if you jump up and down after sex and even if you drink a lot of milk. THESE ARE ALL UNTRUE.

The only way to avoid a pregnancy is to use contraception. If used properly, condoms are 98% effective in preventing pregnancy, and also protect against sexually transmitted infections, including HIV, the virus that leads to AIDS. Your girlfriend may want to use an additional method of contraception too. You and your girlfriend can get free confidential contraceptive advice and supplies from your local Brook Centre.

I had sex with my girlfriend last night but we got carried away and didn’t use anything. Neither of us wants a baby right now. Can I go and get the morning after pill for her?

It is not possible to get the emergency contraceptive pill (commonly referred to as the ‘morning after pill’) on behalf of someone else. This is because the doctor or pharmacist will need to ask the woman a few questions to make sure that it is safe for her to take.

Emergency Contraception can be used if a contraceptive method fails (for instance a condom splits or a pill is forgotten or taken late) or no contraception at all is used. Remember that emergency contraception is not just for the morning after.

There are two forms of emergency contraception – either the emergency contraceptive pill or an intra-uterine device (IUD). The Emergency contraceptive pill can be taken up to 72 hours (3 days) after sex. An IUD may be inserted up to 120 hours (5 days) after sex.

The emergency contraceptive pill is available free from:

GPs, family planning clinics, Brook Centres (for under 25s), NHS walk-in centres, most sexual health/GUM clinics and some accident and emergency departments.

Women over 16 can also buy it from a chemist for around £25.

An IUD can be fitted as an emergency contraceptive up to five days after sex. It has to be fitted by a specially trained doctor or nurse so your girlfriend should check with a service to see if they offer this before going.

I’m worried that I might be gay. Am I normal?

There is no such thing as 'normal'. However you feel is part of who you are and perfectly acceptable and okay. When you start to develop sexual feelings, it is natural to feel mixed up about your sexuality. Having sexual thoughts or feelings about other boys or men doesn’t necessarily mean that you are gay. But you may be. Or you may be attracted to both sexes. Either way, it is not a problem.

If you are worried about having sexual feelings towards other men, you may wish to talk it through with a counsellor, to work out how you feel. You can see a counsellor at you local Brook Centre for free and it will be confidential, which means that no-one will be told about your visit. You can also get information and support from a specialist organisation.

How can I tell if I’ve got a sexually transmitted infection (STI)?

People who have a sexually transmitted infection sometimes get symptoms to show that something is wrong. But often they don't. Where there are symptoms in men, these may include unusual discharge from the penis, pain or burning sensation when passing urine, rashes, itching or tingling around the genitals or anus.

Most sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are treatable. Delaying treatment could mean that an infection gets worse and other problems could occur.

If you are worried that you may have an infection, you can get advice and testing at a genito-urinary medicine (GUM) clinic. Services are attached to or within local hospitals.

Tests for STIs vary. Some involve taking swabs from the tip of the penis. Others involve taking a urine sample or blood sample. Before being tested it is usual to see a health adviser who will discuss any concerns.

To reduce the risk of getting a sexually transmitted infection in the future, always use a condom during sex.